Thoughts on Driving in the U.K. Part 1

Kevin here.  And it's story time.  So grab some coffee and sit back and let me tell you about the first time I tried to drive in the U.K.

I wasn't in the car for 1 minute on Sunday before I knew I was in trouble.  Ok, maybe 5 minutes.  But the first 5 minutes did not actually include any driving.  In fact, the car wasn't running yet.  It was parked in the lot in front of the Enterprise Car Hire (a.k.a. "rental car") on Corstorphine Road, right across the street from the Edinburgh Zoo.

I chose this location for two reasons:  first, Enterprise had a good deal on a weekly rate.  Second, the location was a bit outside of the city center.  You see, parts of Edinburgh are under heavy road construction, and the primary culprit is the tram system they are building.  They started in 2008 so that it would be ready before the Olympics came to London this summer and brought an influx of visitors to the U.K.  Nice idea, planning ahead and all that.  But, for all kinds of reasons, they are WAY behind.  Think 2014 kind of behind.  Anyway, much of the city center of Edinburgh near where we stayed is a real mess and I didn't want to do any driving anywhere near it.  So... we took a taxi a few miles out to Enterprise.

Enterprise gives us a Peugeot 5008, a 7-seat multi-passenger vehicle.  It's a diesel with a manual transmission; overall, not a bad little... station wagon?  Small van?  Whatever you call it, it's definitely on the small side.  The only child that can sit comfortably in either of the third-row seats is Anna.  But, that's fine.  It'll get us where we're going and can carry 5 people with their luggage.  It's not the nicest thing going -- most standard vehicles at a rental car facility never are -- but it'll do.

So... back to the scene...  we were, in fact, in the car.  But I hadn't started it yet.  Nay.  The first few minutes were reserved for getting settled, adjusting mirrors, trying to get a map pulled up on my iPhone (future blog post coming on that one), etc.  You know, the usual -- the basic things you would do as you enter a rental car, even if you were not about to drive on the wrong side of the road.

OK, I guess I shouldn't say that.  It's just a different side of the road.  But it's not just the side of the road at issue.  While also driving on the left side of the road, I'll be doing it from the right side of the vehicle.  And it's a manual transmission.  And the stick will be on my left!  So, I'm sitting there just baffled by it all.  I assume you know what I mean.  You're sitting there looking at all this -- gears and sticks and pedals, not all of which are where you think they ought to be -- trying to look like you got it all under control.  I mean, how hard could this be?

Check these pictures out.

Me, before it begins.

Happy children, completely unawares.

As you see... everyone is happy.  I'm happy, totally in control of this situation (the one with the non-moving car).  The kids are in the back seat, happy too, secure in the knowledge that their father knows what he's doing since he does, in fact, know how to drive a car.  Kelly is so relaxed, she's taking pictures while her purse is laying on the seat next to the car door that's wide open.  And we're all happy because we're ignorant of what lies ahead.

But, hey, this is an adventure, right?  I'm ready to go.  You want to learn?  Then do.  That's how you learn.  That's my motto (I have lots of mottos).  Besides, people do this all of the time.  If people can do this, I can do this.  So, I start the car and get ready to pull out.

Problem number one immediately presents itself:  just as I start the car up, some woman returning her rental car parks a few meters (meters!)  in front of me.  I now no longer have enough room to cleanly pull out of the parking spot.

Filthy Scot.

So... no problem.  I'll simply pull up a bit towards her car at an angle, then back up a little back into my parking spot, then pull away forward when I can clear her car.  Excellent.  Let's do that.  So, I ease into first gear.  Although I drove a stick for a decade before marriage, it feels a bit weird to do it with my left hand.  But, no matter, things go smoothly and I move toward her car, angling it a bit.  (Judging distance is a bit of a challenge for me since, as you may recall, I'm driving from the right side of the car. )

Ok... great.  I'm in position.  Now, let's put the car in reverse.

Reverse.  Hmmmmmmmm.. how do I do that exactly?  The diagram on the manual transmission says to move it up and to the left.  I try that.  Nothing. I'm still in first gear.  Huh.  Must be some kind of trick to this.  I look around at the stick.  I'll try it again.  Nope, still in first.  Ok, how about a little harder.  Huh.  Well, maybe it's stuck (it's a rental, after all).  I'll try it again.  Nope.  I try all kinds of ways.  I'm start to wiggle it.  Then wiggle it some more.  Then some more vigorous wiggling.  Nothing.  No actual reverse movement is happening.

I look up.  People in the Enterprise rental facility are looking at us.  At least one is smiling, possibly chuckling.  I can see them talking to each other and to the Enterprise rental guy.  Remember that I'm not in my parking spot.  I'm at an angle, pointing my car at the other recently arrived rental car.  I'm clearly not where I should be.  I'm blocking the drive-through at Enterprise.

Pressure is mounting.  I feel beads of sweat on my forehead.  I attempt more violent wiggling of the stick.  I can see those people in the building still looking at me, laughing.  I start to get a bit angry.  I begin to recall the glory days of the American Revolution and how we put the British in their place.  We did it then.  I'll do it again today if I have to.  But first... more wiggling!

At this point -- from the back seat -- my kids start offering advice.  You know, based on their vast knowledge of manual transmissions on European cars.  "Uh, Dad, maybe you should move it up."  "Try moving it down now."  "Maybe if you moved it harder."  "Maybe you should be a little more gentle with it, daddy."

Then Kelly says "maybe you should go in and ask for some help."

Oh, hell no.  That is not going to happen.  I just need to calm down and think clearly.  I can figure this out.    Now I consider myself a fairly smart guy.  I have degree in Electrical Engineering, I own my own consulting company, etc.  I can figure this out.

More violently wiggling of the stick shift!  Nothing!  Curse you Peugeot!  I mean, what is wrong with this place?!

OK, it's been 10 minutes now.  10 minutes.  That's a lot of stick shift examination and wiggling.  So, tail between my legs, I head for the door of the facility and walk in.  Sigh.  "Uh excuse me.  Stupid American here.  Could I get some help out here?  I'm having trouble getting the car to go in reverse.  Perhaps something's broken on it?"

Now I know nothing's broken on it.  I guess I was hoping that the creative power of my words would produce manual transmission brokenness or something.  But I knew it was fine.  And I knew -- at least in general -- what was about to happen next.

Roundabouts!

Ok...  let's talk about roundabouts.  AKA, traffic circles.  Now, I actually like roundabouts.  There is one near Emory University and I'm always pleased when I'm in the area and get to take it.  I think it's a marvelous idea.  It's efficient, quick, and easy to understand:  you yield to those already in.  Then you get in and everyone yields to you.  And you get out when you need to.  What could possibly be easier?  No traffic lights; not much waiting; no turning left across oncoming traffic.  Brilliant invention.  Sure, I need to adjust to the fact that I'm entering to the left, on the left side of the road, and I have to yield to cars on my right.  But... hey... I got this.

Things they don't tell you about roundabouts.

First:  in the U.K, they are everywhere.  Now I knew there would be quite a few of them. But... looky here... it turns out that they are the primary means of negotiating intersections.   Yes, they do have U.S.-style intersections with traffic lights and all; and you have to turn right across the oncoming traffic to your right (but get over into the left lane) to get to where you are going.  But roundabouts are where the action is.  You can't go a mile in a city without hitting 3 or 4 of them.

Second, some of them have more than one lane.

My first roundabout after leaving the Enterprise facility -- my first one! -- was some kind of multi-lane spirograph-like monstrosity from the pit of British driving Hell.  You read that right: a round-about with MORE THAN ONE LANE.  (I had never seen nor heard of a roundabout that had more than one lane.  Is this common knowledge?  How did I miss this!)  I'm still reeling from it.  I had no idea what to do.  Still don't.  I often find myself in reflection -- days later, mind you -- about the hidden purposes and meaning of the 3 and 4-lane roundabout.  Apparently you need to get in the correct lane before you get to the roundabout.  Well, that makes perfect sense.  You just need to read the sign for the lane you need to be in.  And then look at the next sign -- the one for the actual roundabout -- to see where to exit the circle.

But remember... this is my first roundabout.  AND I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGN.  It looks like some kind of chinese puzzle meant to frustrate invading mongol hoards.  There's this multiple circle thing in the middle with arrows going off in different directions (downward left, left, upward left, upward, upward right, right, downward right, etc.), different colors, and I swear I saw different fonts.

Panic ensued.  In all honesty... I don't remember what happened next.  I got in, that I know.  And I got out.  Somewhere.  And in between... I'm fairly certain that I cut someone off.  Sorry Scottish person.

I totally get this now.

What it comes down to is that driving in the U.K. -- really, driving just about anywhere that is different -- is like learning a foreign language.  The visual signage is different, the location of the visual signage is different, the use of color is different, the way streets are marked is different, almost everything is different.  Even different cultures have different interpretations of the "rules" of the road.  I've been in places (as a passenger, not a driver), where the rules are little more than suggestions.

Ok... enough for now.  I have quite a bit of driving ahead of me, including across the Island of Mull.  I'll do a part two later this week and update you on how I'm doing behind the wheel of a car in the U.K. for the first time.  Cheers!

While driving.  Notice the deep concentration and pursed lips.